Wrestling with Pandora’s Box

Hello all you wonderful lovely women, first off I would like to apologise to our regulars for the delay in publishing Lisas story. We had a violent storm up here in the hills last week and it blew my phone lines, tonight is the first night they have been back working sufficiently for me to have internet access. Anyhow enough of that. I am very proud to be able to publish Lisa's story, it is one of real courage and something that has made me stop and think about just being 'stoically accepting' of a bad situation. Read on ladies and don't just sit there....get up off your arses and seize the day!  Best to all of you, Dee.

Wrestling with Pandora’s Box - One Woman’s Words to help you find Hope.

I once had a career and a life in the way most of us understand it. Headlines would be enough:

Young woman makes it through her degree, lands a job, seizes some of the opportunities, progresses and even manages to learn a few things on the way. Takes time off to have a baby - wasn’t enjoying work especially anyway - loved some of the people but..

And then: Terminal diagnosis of High Grade Endometrial Stromal Sarcoma (nope - you probably won’t come across it again). Aged 34 and suddenly I had about 5 months to live the rest of my life. Care plans were ‘palliative’ and they weren't ‘curing cancer’ like the adverts on the telly were saying.

Pandora had just opened her little box and everyone else was now sat on the lid for fear Hope got out. I had a 2 year old and there was no getting my head around it. A bit like Wurzel Gummidge (if you’re old enough) I needed to swap heads to deal with the situation.

So, I started reading.

People performing best in the longevity stats turned out to have ‘fighting spirit’ (Greer, Morris & Pettingale, 1979). I didn’t. I was displaying ‘stoic acceptance’ which had a worse outcome than ‘denial’.

One thing I had already learnt though, was that copying behaviours is a good way to learn them and even eventually to make them your own. So I set about mimicking fighting behaviours - I started asking more troublesome questions. I stopped automatically joining in with the conventional wisdom behind statistics. Outliers are always culled from the statistics anyway. I set out to be one of those - to just last beyond the ‘normal distribution’ to start with.

The signs I might be able to do this, were probably already there but lying  dormant. I’d been recruited to my first job because my personality profile said I was ‘rebellious’ ! (The organisation were looking for culture change.) Now it was time to let my rebel out of the box to deal with all the other shit that had already escaped.

I read outlier’s stories - I started gently - with those who lived a few years, instead of predicted months. I read anything vaguely scientific backing up alternative therapies. I saw anyone I could for more information to nurture this new thinking. I kept reading.

Suddenly Hope was out of the box. She took some nurturing and some absolute leaps of faith but I’m here more than 13 years later to tell another outlier’s tale.

There’s more than I can cover here - I’m half way through writing my cancer story so others are inspired to find their own hope. Writing is my new but probably my final career move. I feel comfortable. I know what I’m doing. I can benefit others while enjoying so many aspects of it.

‘Real Women’s Words’ poses some questions, so I’ll do my best to answer them:

What has your life shown you?

Not to accept anything at face value! - Being open-minded saved my life. And being a bit of a rebel helped because I get a little thrill from being unconventional. 

Question, question, question. Look for different views. Make your own mind up. Herd mentality benefits the herd but not necessarily all individuals. Being the odd one out doesn’t necessarily mean you’re wrong! If you’re fighting for your life, you’re often on your own.

If you’re not what you need to be, fake it till you make it.

If you’re not what you want to be, get on with it now.

And don’t wait to be rescued.

Where have your ambitions and your desires led you?

Up many garden paths! I hadn’t the courage to discover my own ambitions for many years, not that I knew what I wanted. Save one clear one: to be a good Mum. That made my diagnosis all the harder but was the ultimate motivation. My first clear goal was to get my son to school - that meant surviving an unimaginable 3 years. It has shifted now to seeing him to university and beyond.

My desire to give others hope, has finally led me to write. I have had incredible support from my husband Simon, and a number of amazing friends who have known the time would be right one day.

Where do I want to go next?

Carry on writing then write more. And then I want to be read. And when I’m read, I want the reader to know how to find Hope if ever they’ve lost her.

You can follow Lisa’s writing progress on her blog sharingthestoryblog.wordpress.com

Reference: Greer, S., Morris, T. and Pettingale, K.W. (1979). Psychological Response to Breast Cancer: Effect on Outcome.
The Lancet, 314(8146), 785-787.